Warning: If you are disturbed by drawings of sexual organs, I suggest you don't watch this video. The rest of the post might not make much sense without it, but hopefully you should get the general gist.
Some facts people can learn about each other come with a string of associations: other facts about people which are often attached to the first one, but not always. Sometimes these collections of facts can have a name. One of these names is "hipster". The video does not use the term "hipster", for some reason, but the collection of descriptions the singer uses to describe himself, along with those used by the people in the sound bites at the end, are commonly used as the definition of a hipster.
If "the definition of a hipster" is a phrase which can really be used, that is. It's certainly a term which people debate the exact meaning of, perhaps most commonly so they can make sure it doesn't include them. Personally I would say a hipster is someone who identifies with some sort of non-mainstream group or movement, but only for the image it has, with a superficial understanding of that group's culture or ideals. Many of the lines in the song reflect this definition: the idea of wearing empty rims for glasses when you have perfect eyesight, dressing like a nerd without being academically gifted, using religious iconography for fashion design...
Am I a hipster? Well, here's how I stack up in relation to the video.
"Got on the train from Cambridgeshire"... I studied at Glasgow Uni... I think that was modelled on Oxford, not Cambridge. (whatever the difference is)
"moved down to an East London flat" ... when I get my own flat I'll get back to you on whether it's the Scottish equivalent of East London.
"Got a moustache" ... OK, I'm not always as clean-shaven as I want to be but a moustache without a beard just looks sleazy to me.
"... and a low-cut vest, some purple leggings and a sailor tat." Not even close. :-)
"Just one gear on my fixie bike." I've never got around to learning how to ride a bike. Should do though. If I wore a bike-related t-shirt anyway then I'd probably be a hipster. :-p
"+1 here... I play synth". Never been in a band. I can sort of play a piano/keyboard though.
"20/20 vision, just a pair of empty frames" - OK, that I have done... but only because I was in a play...
"dressing like a nerd although I never got the grades" - I'm a geek, not a nerd, I don't need to know anything about physics. :-)
"the kids at school would call me names" - I do have a recollection of being called a mop-top as a kid. Fair enough, I was one.
"now we're taking over their estates" - like, as landlords? I'm not one...
Is the misspelling of "friends" as "freinds" meant as a joke (like "teh") or is it just a typo?
"Polaroid app on my iPhone" - Don't have an iPhone, and the camera on my regular phone is excrement.
"taking pictures on London fields" - If I lived in Edinburgh I would want to hang out on the meadows a lot. So... is that a "yes", adjusting for geography?
"Up on my blog so everyone knows" - I have a blog or two but they're not usually about personal experience
"New Age fun with a Vintage Feel" - I like... old films? 1940s music? Nature? Does this sort of apply to me?
"Coolest kids in a warehouse rave" -- I was once at some sort of dance-based event in an old building which had been repurposed as a community centre... but there wasn't an exclusive list or anything and I wasn't as into it as some of the other people there.
"Never bought a pack of fags" - I don't smoke!
"I only roll my own!" - but I do have a bizarre tendency to roll small bits of paper into cigarette-like shapes.
"Plugging in my laptop at the starbucks down the road" - my laptop stays at home, and I've been to starbucks maybe twice in the last two years.
"Say I work in media, I'm really on the dole" - neither, but I have taken out jobseeker's allowance for a few weeks a few years ago.
"Loafers with no socks" - chafes the feet.
"Electro pop meets Southern hip hop" - "Southern" and "hip hop" are types of music I avoid... not sure about "electro"
"Indeterminate sexual preference" - I only like women. And, some people are bisexual and not dickheads, get over it!
"Something retro on my necklace" - old technology looks cool, but I don't have a necklace.
"part-time blogger" - *very* part time.
"design my own jewellery" - nope, although I might like to design something (no interest in jewellery though)
"I organise a vegan (crud? crumb?) night" - I help organise vegan potlucks, yes. Does this make me a dickhead? Or would I only be a dickhead if I wasn't vegan the rest of the time? (Answer: yes)
"magazine... all about my balls". No comment. And no.
"all the proceeds are going to that thing that happened in the Middle East, or Africa or whatever" - I've helped raise money for charity, but I always make sure I know what I'm raising it for.
So... am I?